Thursday, June 08, 2006

A good distraction

Today was a great day, a day i've visualised & thought about for a long time. It was the last day of a job that has been soul destroying, that i've wanted to leave for soooo long & today i did. I finalised the last few things, sent away the last report, the last email, threw away the last documents, had a very enjoyable lunch with a lovely group of people who ordinarily wouldnt have come together but who were friendly faces for me throughout my arduous time there. Then i drove thru that boom gate car park for the last time...it was satisfying. I felt the burden lift, the shackles fall & i felt lighter all round.

What an era & now its over. I went to this organisation in april '02 & 7 mths later mum died.....it served its purpose then as it was a job i could do very little in & still get by & for a good 20 or so mths after mum died i wasnt capable of producing miracles. i was getting away with the minimum but over time that environment wasnt good for me & i started to creatively dry up. i didnt feel valued there. i had become professionally impotent - it was awful.

I chose to stay for the wrong reasons.....we were about to have a baby or so i thought, i needed the good pay for maternity leave etc.....i was desperate for our baby to arrive as he/she became my escape route out of there...well for at least 8 or so mths....but that plan didnt happen as so many plans dont & finally with the encouragement of A i decided to leave....my happiness, satisfaction & sanity were worth too much.

It took me a long time to make that decision & go but i finally made it & wow - it felt good today.

im excited for the new, the unknown, for feeling stimulated, valuable, needed again....

it'll be good.

& you know what else? my escape was a good distraction today.

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