Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Crazy times....

Nine days to go & counting! This two - week wait or rather 11 day wait is quite awful. Whats worse is the clexane injections each nite. It hurts, it stings. I hate having to do it! The last two nites i've been reduced to tears & feeling very sorry for me. Till now each injection, each drug, each procedure i've weathered & to be honest quite well i think but this clexane is the pits....its fundamentally wrong to expect women trying to have a baby to endure torture....its like ...'theyre desperate, they'll try & take anything so it's fine'..well its not fine at all...why cant they find a happy replacement, one which doesnt result in tears.....

Ths time tho' im feeling a little better. I remember the two week wait back in nov after my first stimulated cycle....i was a mess..this time around i kno what to expect, i know now that the pregnyl drug makes my boobs sore & my nipples tender so i kno not to read these signs as symptoms of a pregnancy when they are evil toxic side effects aimed to fuck with my mind & body.

Leaving my old toxic, soul destroying job is great. Starting a new job is even greater so hopefully these two distractions will free me from the 24 hr obsession i've endured.

Next week, the day after my new job startes A goes into hospital for surgery & then for 10 days he'll be bedridden or at least houseridden & definitely not on his feet....im a little daunted of this time...new job, real working hours, looking after A, the house, the dogs with no assistance....then for the next 6 or so weeks he'll be pretty immobile.....it aint going to be easy doing everything when i might be pregnant & tired as well....

It seems as tho we're never just cruising, we're always stressed & challenged with something, our fertility,ivf, our jobs, & now A's surgery & recovery....i suppose i should be grateful too - its not serious surgery, he's just been made permanent at his job, im starting a new job so maybe i should be counting my blessings but somehow...its hard....

I'll tell you what....I'll make a deal with you....when i get pregant with our B1 & B2 (notice the when, not if), carry them till 12 wks, birth healthy babies -i'll count my blessings for the rest of my life!

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