Tuesday, October 03, 2006

And the anxiety escalates & escalates....

The anxiety escalates and escalates......

Though the weeks till now have been extremely harrowing & terrifying, i think for A & I, the real terror & stress has set in now. Our second miscarriage ended at 9 weeks. My symptoms had slightly lessened, I had a bad feeling, booked an ultrasound & we saw our baby dead in utero. It measured 8 weeks & 2 days. The first, third & fourth miscarriages we didnt get so far....so now the stakes are higher, our stress levels & fear I sense are escalating, our sleep is so bad, its almost non existent....& we are just hanging in there. Today i am 8 weeks. Our next ultrasound is the day after tomorrow. And then (assuming things will be ok) we will still have 4 more weeks till we get to the 12 week mark. Will i even relax then? Im way ahead of myself, i've got 4 more weeks, 28 more days of this excruciating waiting.

Today i had acupuncture. L was away so back i went to see M. The last time I saw her was at embryo transfer, exactly one month ago, it was nice to tell her i was pregnant but scary too. She assessed my pulses with such astute ability...shes quite impressive. According to M, my anxiety is being processed by my liver...or rather my liver is having to suffer my anxiety.....my poor liver.

My chi/energy is OK, the left hand pulse is strong so all seems ok.....but who knows till we have the u/sound Thurs.

As i type, i poke & prod my breasts & thank god theyre sore & tender because almost all day they havent been.

So you can see the state im in....quite terrified & anxious & praying all will be ok.

M did say to me the way to hold onto chi is to lie down so she said as often as i can to lie down....so off i go to chill out in bed watching tele & conserving my chi.

Thanx for all your encouraging words, prayers & support...im so grateful xx


Blogger serenity said...

Oh sweetie. This is such a terrifying time, I can totally understand how scared you are. I wish I could make it go away for you.

In the meantime I am thinking of you and sending you many "grow" vibes. May you and your little one get through this trying time intact.

Love and hugs -

1:41 AM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

totally a sacry time. Do whatever you can to hang in there. I am thinking about you and wishing that the next 4 weeks go quickly and easily.

3:06 AM  
Blogger Thalia said...

Just hang in there. Crappy tv and whatever you feel like eating. So hoping that this 2 day wait results in joyous news.

3:18 AM  
Blogger sube said...

Laying down seems like a good plan. Maybe you'll even manage some sleep? Take care, sweetie.

1:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hang in there, my thoughts are with you.

9:40 PM  
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