Sunday, September 17, 2006

Terrified

I am terrified. When I was receiving really good beta hcg results, I was feeling so hopeful & encouraged...I actually believed this would be our time....but since my chinese dr reported my pulse is weak...I've been left feeling anxious, worried & discouraged. I recall another miscarriage (I cant recall which one it was) when she reported my pulse was weak & then I miscarried....... I kept asking her what it meant but all she would tell me was my energy was weak...what the fuck does this mean? can i carry to term still? is it my energy or the babies? Ofcourse Im low energy, im anxious, not sleeping well & terrified of losing another pregnancy. A very close friend of mine, D is almost 11 wks pregnant. Her chinese dr has also reported her pulse was weak throughout her first trimester but she kept the pregnancy.......I am praying & begging to keep this one. I cant bare the thought of losing this one too. The plan from here is another beta hcg tomorrow am & then if all good -our first ultrasound end of this wk...so there are a few monumental hurdles to get thru this week, another one or two beta hcgs....& then the u/sound. Im afraid we'll get to the u/sound but the beats per minute will be low & that will herald doom.....Im so afraid & anxious.

Ive tried to distract my self this am with doing some work. A is slowly waking & we'll head out with the boys shortly for a nice walk & we'll visit my dad later this arvo but i am not doing well.....i tried meditating this am too. I wish i could just disappear into some time warp & appear at 12 weeks....this is unbearable.

Has anyone else been told by a chinese practitioner to have a weak pulse?

Pls pray for our baby. I feel like we need all the help we can get.

Thank you xx

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey :) Big congrats on becoming pg :) Having had losses myself, I know the twelve weeks can expand into what seems like years. With all the potential outcomes at this stage we all know can happen, I know that there is so much to interpret- 'is it a good sign', or 'could it be a bad sign?' etc. While you do seek comfort and treatment from the Chinese Practitioner, still keep in mind your bHCG was really good. That's very promising! What's important right now is you. Having repeated testing could be good for your piece of mind and for you to keep track of your progress. Perhaps also remember the positive medical results even in moments of doubt, (because after one loss or a number of losses we all get them and can't keep them quiet!) All fingers and toes crossed for you- take care of yourself

4:29 PM  
Anonymous Mae said...

All my prayers and thoughts are with you. I'm praying for this little one to grow strong and healthy inside you. Wish you all the best and positive thoughts to get you through the day!

7:07 PM  
Anonymous Lisa at Baby be Mine said...

Keeping you and your baby in my thoughts and prayers.

6:37 AM  
Anonymous Nikole said...

Sending you a gigantic hug. Grow, baby, grow.

9:35 AM  
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10:17 AM  
Blogger sube said...

You're in my thoughts. Hang in there.

11:46 AM  

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