Saturday, September 30, 2006

So Nervous.....

The joy from Thursday is wearing off ...& the anxiety & trepidation have settled in. Don't get me wrong - of course we are joyful & cautiously optimistic but so aware there is still 5 weeks ahead of risky time & we are very nervous. Last night I hardly slept & at 2am, i suddenly had quite bad cramps, thet felt exactly like period cramps....i recalled this from earlier pregnancies & was told it is normal unless its really severe & accompanied by bleeding but it was enough to cause concern. Today this afternoon i had cramps again.....& its enough to make me worried.

I've looked it up on the net & spoken to a few people & all have said it is at this stage normal. Today i felt seedy too. Im on chinese herbs which could be assisting with nausea but i havent had full on morning sickness - i know thats not necessarily a bad sign but at this stage anxious.

This period is so filled with anxiety & dread & hope & minute im feeling positive, the next, all over the place......

I want to thank you all for your ongoing support, joy & prayer...i really believe the collective prayer from all our friends & you guys in blog land has helped enormously.

Mon is the holiest day of the jewish yr -yom kippur. It is a day of atonement where we fast from sun nite sunset to mon nite sun set. Every yr as a child my mother would bake delicious, divine ritual foods that we only ate this time of yr & we would ceremoniously break our fast with them. They are foods that her mother made & all my matriarchs made before me. Today A & I baked some of these & tomorrow we will bake more. It is a beautiful thing to do & in baking these, i feel connected to & honouring of my mum & I love baking them with A.

This year though since I am pregnant I do not have to fast.

I have just been searching the net in an attempt to reassure me this pregnancy will last...both my RE & other websites have said that after there is a healthy strong heartbeat...the risk of miscarriage goes down to 10%...i am so praying i am in the 90%......i know so many of you havent been & i've been there before too...but this time I am so intensely praying we are in the 90%.

And so thats my update today - nervous, terrified, crampy, seedy & praying intensely


Blogger Michelle said...

I'm not sure what seedy means but I hope it's something good. I'm still thinking of you, and crossing everything. I hope you get to enjoy some of this pregnancy soon.

10:00 PM  
Blogger Thalia said...

140 sounds good to me - you can see what it 'should' be here

By my calculation it 'should' have been 150 (+/- about 10), so 140 sounds very good.

Hoping very hard for you. Let us know what you baked.

11:34 PM  
Blogger The Town Criers said...

Adding my prayers to yours. I'll pray now for the 90%. And then in a few weeks, I'll pray for an easy pregnancy. And after that, an easy delivery.

12:03 AM  
Blogger running wildly said...

I think you have a good grasp on the "logic" of your pregnancy. Yes, your risk goes down to 10%, and yes, it is normal for cramping early on because ligaments are stretching. It really does feel exactly like period cramps. However logical you might try to think, it is obvious that emotions weigh heavily with you.....well, with most of us, really. You are cautiously optimistic as you say, and that's ok! You are where you are until the next milestone. One day at a time is a great outlook. I am praying for you one day at a time. PS. I moderate my comments, so that is why you didn't see yours publish right away. But not to worry, it's up now.

1:23 AM  
Blogger Emily said...

Wow, I'm SO happy to come online and see these two latest posts from you with your good news! Honestly, its fantastic to see everything looking so optimistic, and I am grinning madly at my screen with happiness for you.

Seedy is GOOD! Long may it last!!!

11:35 AM  
Blogger theoneliner said...

all you can do is continue to hope and breathe.
and know that lots of people are hoping with you. : )

6:10 AM  
Blogger sube said...

When you're so focused on the future, it must be nice to have something to anchor you to the past. Enjoy it.

10:43 AM  
Blogger Ej said...

I cramped all the way to 20 weeks - freaked the heck out of me but all was well. I'll add your little baby to my prayers,


3:33 PM  
Blogger moi said...

I completely understand what you're going through right now; moments of sheer joy interspursed with a fear that everything might not be alright. not being able to sleep because you're so excited.

I really hope that you don't start feeling too nauseous, but in a (very) weird way it's a nice reminder that your little seed is growing!

10:34 PM  
Blogger serenity said...

Sending you virtual hugs and hoping with everything I've got for you...

2:11 AM  
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