The torturous mindfuck

This is unbearable. After the pregnyl i had so many symptoms & it feels as tho' theyre slowly diminishing & if i were pregnant im assuming they'd be intensifying but i know anything can happen so this is one huge torturous mindfuck. I did a hpt this am but its a stupid test that doesnt tell me how many units of hcg it picks up so i have no way of knowing whether its too early etc...there was nothing & then a very faint (i mean very) line came up, i think even past the time allocated? i bet ive had my usual - an implantation but no progress....

i wish i were distracted but im afraid this time since my herbalists declaration im yet again obsessed....& the day i saw her (fri) i too felt it was possible, i felt my pulse racing, i was hugely bloated etc but it all seems to be fading fast....

the frustration tho' is changing to despondency!

i really hate this process & i pray for the day im free from all of this

in the m'time im stuck with it!